At 2:35 PM, Anonymous said...
Hi I ran across your blog while I was surfing the net, I would never enter and thing in a blog but your blog was a topic that interest me and it said I could do it without using my name. So here it goes. I was just wondering what you might think about my situation.I have been married for 6 years and over 2 years ago my husband had a car accident, he is now in a wheel chair he can not walk any more. After the accident my husband went thru a long and hard recovery. He has done great we still do a lot of things together, we still talk and laugh. We have adjusted our life in all the areas but one. Before the accident we were very sexually active, my husband was passionate and romantic. He was really romantic an example of that was we use to on every Saturday night take a bubble bath together. We don’t do that any more, we have almost no romantic contact at all. He has adjusted so well that he now takes a bubble bath every Saturday again, he has developed really good upper body strength and he is able to lift himself in and out of the tub now. But he does not invite me to join him in the bath. And when we are in bed together he just faces away from me and doesn’t talk to me. My husband was my pleasure in life and I feel like I have lost not all it but a big part of it.
Pleasure Lost
Dear Pleasure Lost,
As I read your comments I got the feeling that you loved your husband before the accident and you still do. Now these are only my thoughts I am no expert but since you asked I will tell you what I think. Your husband has picked up his life since the accident and he is trying to live a good life again. Even to the point that he is back in the habit of taking the Saturday Bubble Baths. I got your email with the changed that said he doesn't invite you to take the bath with him.
In my opinion not only has he achieved wonders, he is standing in the center of the road waiting for you. And you have been slow on the uptake.
Let's see look at it from a different prospective.
You are physically the same now, as you were before the accident, so there would really be no reason for him not to still be attracted to you. By your husband has changed and it is a major change, so put yourself in his place, he has to wonder if you are still attracted to him.
And seeing, that he has made his way back to the point were the Bubble Bath’s that were so enjoyable for the two of you are once again possible shows that it is important to him.
Now not saying that its right or wrong but maybe the reason why he doesn’t invite into the bath with him, is he wants it to be totally your choice and not something you do out of a sense of duty.
Now my question to you is.
Where are you when he is in that bubble bath all alone? Your poor husband!!!
It is time for you to show that man that you still find him attractive and desirable.
Come on sister diva step up be the seductress.
Ok that was my opinion. Now just to give you an idea to get you thinking so you can come up with your own idea one you are comfortable with here something that could be done.
Before this Saturday put some candles in the bathroom . Once he is in the bath, put on a sexy outfit, cover it with an old bath robe. Walk in the bath hand him a glass wine, light the candles, turn off the lights, turn on some nice music, drop your robe do a nice strip tease then join your man in the tub.
Well that’s just my opinion, good luck.
Vanity
At 6:09 AM, Anonymous said...
I do take time for myself I take the hour for the bubble bath etc. But that is not what is keeping me from the pleasure of life. It is that the man I am with doesn't seem to care about me as much as I do him. I have tried every way I know to get him to show that he does. I know this is not what you were talking about but I would like to know what you think.Unhappy
Dear Unhappy
This is only a thought but is it possible that he is showing you he cares in his own way. Is he doing something that says he doesn’t care. Or is it that he just doesn’t show it the same way you do. It is possible that you might be dwelling on this issue and making it hard for him to respond to you more freely. If you really like him, and you have fun together and you enjoy being with each other. Try just feeling the pleasure of being with him without the stress of trying to measure if he cares the same about you as you do about him.
Vanity
At 6:20 AM, Anonymous said...
Do you really believe this stuff, I am single, I do all this stuff, I get me hair done, I get my nails done, I diet all the time. But it does not help, I don't have pleasure in my life, I can't meet a man. And no matter how much I diet I don't lose any weight. I am still alone and unhappy. What do you have to say about that.Disbeleiver
Dear Disbeliever,
If you had asked me a few years ago if I believed this I would have said, I don’t know because I was truly unhappy and didn’t have an idea what to do about it. But now I do believe it and I am living my life based on these veiws.
I see you do pamper yourself, you get your hair done, and your nails. I have a question for you.
After you have done all this, when you look in your mirror what do you see? Do you see a beautiful woman looking back at you?
If you do not then I would say that is where you need to start. Not with the diet but with the fact that if you don’t see a beautiful woman in the mirror no one else will either. You have to love yourself. We are all beautiful in one way or another. But we have to believe it ourselves first.
Try looking in that mirror and instead of listing the things you don’t like, list the ones you do. Now focus on and enhance those features with the right clothes and things. And most of all the right attitude.
Start liking yourself and the way you look and feel. And just as a test unless you are dieting for a medical reason stop dieting just eat sensably, do this for a week or so you might be surprised what happens.
And the next time you are out and about remember you are beautiful and you feel beautiful. So smile.
Vanity
1 comment:
This is for Anonymous. I am a man and agree with Vanity. This is just my experience and perspective. My first wife was highly critical of herself and could never accept herself in appearance or as a person. Her dissatisfaction with herself showed in her facial expression, body language (the way she carried herself), her moods, disposition, and her work. Her poor opinion of herself and belief that she could not satisfy anyone, beginning with herself, was the root cause of our divorce and her self destruction. Most people would agree that my new wife, at first glance does not appear very attractive, and she would also agree. But what makes her attractive and desirable is that she believes she is attractive! She projects this self-confidence and desirability in the way she stands, walks, and talks – in just about everything she does. It’s her entire attitude. Now what is strange is that she is notoriously clumsy! But even that she turns into positives, by making light of it! People used to call this attractiveness "that certain something" and that something is her belief that she is attractive and desirable. Though she expresses herself as a modest person, her body language says that she is Wonder Woman and the Goddess of Love all-in-one. I had a psychology teacher in school that told us that if some believes that they are someone, and pretends to be that person long enough, they will actually become that person. So you have to ask yourself, who do you want to be and who do you diet for? Do you diet for your health, or for those who you think would find you attractive with less weight? If it is not for you, than you are making a big mistake. You are who you are and you are who you want to be. So be who you want to be - a devastating beauty who is envied by women and desired by all men. If you think you need to eat better and lose weight for health reasons, then do it for YOU. You be the fun, outgoing, sexy person who everyone congregates around at parties. Forget about being negative. Turn the negatives into positives, accentuate it, flaunt it, walk it, talk it, and most importantly - believe it! By the way, men may make a lot of noise about certain female bodies, or even date to have fun with these certain bodies, but they want to settle down with a person. Do you think they want to settle down with someone who is unhappy with themselves? If you don’t learn to love yourself, then you will be too distracted to love anyone else.
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