Holiday Season

The holiday Season for me is a special time. I love this season, the tree, the lights, the cooking, the smells, everything. I am the person who is out in the cold on Thanksgiving weekend putting up lights. I cook for my whole family on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is the two times a year when no matter what is going on the family comes together. Being the oldest this tradition was passed from my late mother to me, and I love carrying on this tradition and bring the family together under one roof.

Family is one of the most precious gifts you have to be grateful for. And every year when we come together and I see how the young members have grown into adults and the new members that were born into the family that year, in my heart I feel my mothers joy as she looks down at her family..

So no matter what is going on in my life, during this time of the year I stand still long enough to count my blessing and remind myself of what is important. And for me, this does the trick and I come out of the Holiday Season with a path forward into the New Year.





Vanity

No Longer Pleasure Lost

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous said...
Its Pleasure Lost again, just wanted to share with you my joy. Remember I wrote you earlier about my husband in the wheel chair. I am so happy now. My husband and I are very much in love but since the accident things have been a little stressed. But after I read your response I started to think, about what you said. You said that my husband was waiting for me to show him if I still loved him since the accident. So I did it, I couldn't come up with an action of my own so I used the one you gave me.

I put candles and flowers in the bathroom, before his Saturday bubble bath. I was a little sly about going to the store to buy sexy teddy, so I ordered it on the web.

When my husband was in the tub I did it, I put on my new outfit under an old bath robe, I walked in bathroom handed him a glass of wine, I walked around lighting candles, then I turned out the lights. The whole time my husband was just looking at me. Once I turned out the lights, he asked me if I alright. I walked over to the tub leaned over and kissed him and told him that now everything was perfect. I did what you said next I turned on some music; I danced for him then joined him in the bubbles.

When we were in the bath I told him how much I loved him, and that I loved him more now then every.Vanity he had tears in his eyes, my husband really loves me but he wasn't sure if I still loved him because he wasn't the same man I married.

Thank you so much for telling me what you did. You were right my poor husband all this time with everything he was facing, he had to worry about if I still loved him.

Life is great for us now I have my pleasure back.

I have one piece of advice for women, "TELL YOUR MAN YOU LOVE HIM AT LEASE ONCE A DAY, HE NEED AND DESERVE TO HEAR IT, SO SPEAK UP"

No Longer Pleasure Lost

Pleasure Lost,

I am happy to hear that you are now "No Longer Pleasure Lost". It sounds like you and your husband are communicating again, that's great. You are right we women should tell our men on a daily basis that we love them and we also should realize that it is ourresponsibilityy to see that we are happy, so speak up no one can give you what you need if you don't let them know what it is you need. Good luck and best wishes.

Vanity

A New Woman

At 9:18 PM, Anonymous said...
Hi Vanity, I have been reading you blog, I was reading your entry "What do I Desire" the other day and how we should speak up, so I decided to put it to the test. I called my husband at work and asked him out on a date. I think he must have been in shock because he didn't say a word for a long while. So I just told him to be ready at 7 and wear something nice. Boy that was fun, it was scary at first to ask him out because he always makes the plans and arrangements, but it felt good. Then I went out and brought a new outfit, and went to my sister’s house to get dressed. I showed up at my house at 7 and rang the doorbell my husband answered; he was dressed in a nice suit. He was just standing in the door with this look on his face because he had never seen me dress this way, if I am honest, when we normally go out I'm dressed like a school teacher, but now I was wearing a short black dress and heels. And if I say so myself I looked damn sexy. I drove us to the restaurant I choose,I took him dancing, then a walk under the stars. It was so romantic, and my husband once he got over the shock really enjoyed it. That night when we got home he was really in the mood. And you know what, just saying what I wanted to do and speaking up was such a confidence builder I was able to tell my husband what I liked when we were making love. My husband is great he was willing and open to what I was trying to do and he went along with the date and everything without question. I am so very lucky to have him. Thank you for sharing your views, I hope other woman get ideas as good as mind when they read them too.
A New Woman


Dear A New Woman , Thank you for leaving me your note, that was a great idea I'll have to remember that for future use myself. You go girl.

Vanity

Life is Full of Choices

There are so many choices in life to be made on a daily basis, how do you know which choices are the right choices. Do I do this or do I do that. Do I care for this person or don't I. There are times when the choice you have to make may cause you pain in the beginning but in the end will be the right choice and will be the best choice for the situation.
How does making a choice that will cause you pain in the beginning promote a life full of pleasure? Well if there is the need to make that choice, then there is more then likely an issue that is keeping you from that life of pleasure.
Sometimes it is hard to make the choice because we are comfortable with the way things are, and we are a little afraid of change and the unknown. It is always a personal choice as to how bold a choice you can make.

Well if that is not confusing I don't know what it, But at this moment I am waging a war with the choices I have on my plate. So wish me well and if you are in same boat I feel your pain.

Vanity

Man Speaking Up

At 6:57 AM, Anonymous said...
This looked like a female blog but I read the comment GoodKnight made so I want to add my comments I think it is good you are getting the male view on things. I agree that woman should say what they want. When ever I ask my wife what she wants, or what does she want to do, she says it doesn't matter what ever I want to do. But you know that what I want to do is never what she wants so it is not that much fun.
It would be nice if my wife would help me out here and once in a while come up with the ideas. I just wanted to say I get tried of always have to make the choices. I intend to show this blog to my wife so she can read.

Man Speaking Up

Thank you "Man Speaking Up" women do want to know what men think so keep on speaking up.

Vanity

What Do I Desire?

What do I desire is a question I ask myself often now a days. Because, how can I make myself happy or be happy with someone else if I don't know what I want.
Here lately I have found a new respect for good men who try to please women. Example: When a man ask you what you want to do for the evening, you say it doesn't matter then when he picks something you don't want to do it. Or you are less then cheerful about it.
How frustrating that must be. As woman we have to learn to ask ourselves what it is we want and then when asked what we want speak up and say. Think of all the time and energy that would be save if we knew what we wanted and were willing to tell somebody.
As women we are strong we take care of and speak up for our loved ones, all the time but we have a major problem with speaking up loud and clear when asked what we want.
A large part of living a pleasurable life is having what we desire. What do you want to do? Where do you want to live? What type of person you want to be with. Even something as simple as what type of movie do you want to watch.
It has taken me a long time to start putting aside the programming of a lifetime and began to live life the way I want to.

Vanity

This is for Anonymous. aka Disbeleiver

GoodKnight said...

This is for Anonymous. I am a man and agree with Vanity. This is just my experience and perspective. My first wife was highly critical of herself and could never accept herself in appearance or as a person. Her dissatisfaction with herself showed in her facial _expression, body language (the way she carried herself), her moods, disposition, and her work. Her poor opinion of herself and belief that she could not satisfy anyone, beginning with herself, was the root cause of our divorce and her self destruction. Most people would agree that my new wife, at first glance does not appear very attractive, and she would also agree. But what makes her attractive and desirable is that she believes she is attractive! She projects this self-confidence and desirability in the way she stands, walks, and talks – in just about everything she does. It’s her entire attitude. Now what is strange is that she is notoriously clumsy! But even that she turns into positives, by making light of it! People used to call this attractiveness "that certain something" and that something is her belief that she is attractive and desirable. Though she expresses herself as a modest person, her body language says that she is Wonder Woman and the Goddess of Love all-in-one. I had a psychology teacher in school that told us that if some believes that they are someone, and pretends to be that person long enough, they will actually become that person. So you have to ask yourself, who do you want to be and who do you diet for? Do you diet for your health, or for those who you think would find you attractive with less weight? If it is not for you, than you are making a big mistake. You are who you are and you are who you want to be. So be who you want to be - a devastating beauty who is envied by women and desired by all men. If you think you need to eat better and lose weight for health reasons, then do it for YOU. You be the fun, outgoing, sexy person who everyone congregates around at parties. Forget about being negative. Turn the negatives into positives, accentuate it, flaunt it, walk it, talk it, and most importantly - believe it! By the way, men may make a lot of noise about certain female bodies, or even date to have fun with these certain bodies, but they want to settle down with a person. Do you think they want to settle down with someone who is unhappy with themselves? If you don’t learn to love yourself, then you will be too distracted to love anyone else.

Pleasure Lost

At 2:35 PM, Anonymous said...
Hi I ran across your blog while I was surfing the net, I would never enter and thing in a blog but your blog was a topic that interest me and it said I could do it without using my name. So here it goes. I was just wondering what you might think about my situation.I have been married for 6 years and over 2 years ago my husband had a car accident, he is now in a wheel chair he can not walk any more. After the accident my husband went thru a long and hard recovery. He has done great we still do a lot of things together, we still talk and laugh. We have adjusted our life in all the areas but one. Before the accident we were very sexually active, my husband was passionate and romantic. He was really romantic an example of that was we use to on every Saturday night take a bubble bath together. We don’t do that any more, we have almost no romantic contact at all. He has adjusted so well that he now takes a bubble bath every Saturday again, he has developed really good upper body strength and he is able to lift himself in and out of the tub now. But he does not invite me to join him in the bath. And when we are in bed together he just faces away from me and doesn’t talk to me. My husband was my pleasure in life and I feel like I have lost not all it but a big part of it.

Pleasure Lost

Dear Pleasure Lost,
As I read your comments I got the feeling that you loved your husband before the accident and you still do. Now these are only my thoughts I am no expert but since you asked I will tell you what I think. Your husband has picked up his life since the accident and he is trying to live a good life again. Even to the point that he is back in the habit of taking the Saturday Bubble Baths. I got your email with the changed that said he doesn't invite you to take the bath with him.

In my opinion not only has he achieved wonders, he is standing in the center of the road waiting for you. And you have been slow on the uptake.

Let's see look at it from a different prospective.
You are physically the same now, as you were before the accident, so there would really be no reason for him not to still be attracted to you. By your husband has changed and it is a major change, so put yourself in his place, he has to wonder if you are still attracted to him.
And seeing, that he has made his way back to the point were the Bubble Bath’s that were so enjoyable for the two of you are once again possible shows that it is important to him.
Now not saying that its right or wrong but maybe the reason why he doesn’t invite into the bath with him, is he wants it to be totally your choice and not something you do out of a sense of duty.

Now my question to you is.

Where are you when he is in that bubble bath all alone? Your poor husband!!!

It is time for you to show that man that you still find him attractive and desirable.
Come on sister diva step up be the seductress.

Ok that was my opinion. Now just to give you an idea to get you thinking so you can come up with your own idea one you are comfortable with here something that could be done.

Before this Saturday put some candles in the bathroom . Once he is in the bath, put on a sexy outfit, cover it with an old bath robe. Walk in the bath hand him a glass wine, light the candles, turn off the lights, turn on some nice music, drop your robe do a nice strip tease then join your man in the tub.

Well that’s just my opinion, good luck.

Vanity

At 6:09 AM, Anonymous said...
I do take time for myself I take the hour for the bubble bath etc. But that is not what is keeping me from the pleasure of life. It is that the man I am with doesn't seem to care about me as much as I do him. I have tried every way I know to get him to show that he does. I know this is not what you were talking about but I would like to know what you think.Unhappy

Dear Unhappy
This is only a thought but is it possible that he is showing you he cares in his own way. Is he doing something that says he doesn’t care. Or is it that he just doesn’t show it the same way you do. It is possible that you might be dwelling on this issue and making it hard for him to respond to you more freely. If you really like him, and you have fun together and you enjoy being with each other. Try just feeling the pleasure of being with him without the stress of trying to measure if he cares the same about you as you do about him.

Vanity

At 6:20 AM, Anonymous said...
Do you really believe this stuff, I am single, I do all this stuff, I get me hair done, I get my nails done, I diet all the time. But it does not help, I don't have pleasure in my life, I can't meet a man. And no matter how much I diet I don't lose any weight. I am still alone and unhappy. What do you have to say about that.Disbeleiver



Dear Disbeliever,

If you had asked me a few years ago if I believed this I would have said, I don’t know because I was truly unhappy and didn’t have an idea what to do about it. But now I do believe it and I am living my life based on these veiws.

I see you do pamper yourself, you get your hair done, and your nails. I have a question for you.

After you have done all this, when you look in your mirror what do you see? Do you see a beautiful woman looking back at you?

If you do not then I would say that is where you need to start. Not with the diet but with the fact that if you don’t see a beautiful woman in the mirror no one else will either. You have to love yourself. We are all beautiful in one way or another. But we have to believe it ourselves first.

Try looking in that mirror and instead of listing the things you don’t like, list the ones you do. Now focus on and enhance those features with the right clothes and things. And most of all the right attitude.
Start liking yourself and the way you look and feel. And just as a test unless you are dieting for a medical reason stop dieting just eat sensably, do this for a week or so you might be surprised what happens.

And the next time you are out and about remember you are beautiful and you feel beautiful. So smile.

Vanity

Selfish - Is that Good or Is that Bad

If the truth were known we were all raised to some extend to believe that being selfish is bad. If you have to learn to be a little selfish for your own good and well being, then you are more then likely not in danger of being bad selfish.

Let's face it, for good women being non-selfish has evolved into a self-denying cycle. You move thru your everyday life denying yourself the little pleasures that make you happy and in some cases healthy.

If you don’t take the time to recharge your batteries, you become worn down and moody and sad.

The point of learning to be selfish does not meant that you stop doing all the things you do for everyone else it just means that you make a point to set aside sometime to pamper yourself.

Take that hour to have a quite bubble bath. Go to the salon have your nails done. You don’t have time for these things, you say. How many times has, your husband and your children spent the evening watching TV while you run around cleaning this and cleaning that. Ask yourself was it that pressing to get that cleaning done. Let it go for another night, go to your room, do your nails, run a bath, use your favorite bubble bath, have a glass of wine.

Relax enjoy the moment, enjoy the peace and quite.

And when you are done pampering yourself then join your family, sit watch some TV and pass on some of those nice calm feelings.

Vanity

Be selfish

I am a mother, I was a wife.

After having been married most of my adult life, putting everyone in my life first, and myself always second.

I now realize that if I had been a little more selfish and put ,myself first sometimes I would have been able to make theirs lives and more importantly my life better.

Because being selfish is the way you take care of your needs. I would have been a happier person, if I had been selfish enough to see to my own well being and happiness. Thereby passing that pleasure in life I was feeling along to the people in my life who were important to me.

Can a person who is not happy truly make another person happy?

This should be true for both men and women. If you kill yourself trying to make someone else happy while you are not, who ends up happy in the end. NO ONE!!

Pleasure is the key to a great Life

Why is it that we have been programmed from birth that with out PAIN there is no GAIN.

But think for a minute!

"How much could you and would you achieve if you felt pleasure in the things you do on an every day basis."

Take for example :

You work at a job you are not crazy about. So you spend countless minutes and hours thinking and talking about how much you hate it.

Let's not talk along the normal lines that people talk about in this kind of situation - like "find a job you like". We all know that sometimes that is not possible.

So why not attached some pleasure to this job you hate. Like what you might say ok.

How about one of these in addition to the fact that this job keeps a roof over your head.

• This job pays for the little pleasures in life like getting you nails done.
• This job allows you to meet some very interesting people.
• This job pays for the vacation you take .
• This job pays for the shopping sprees you are so fond of.

The key here is to dwell on and think about the pleasures that this job at the end of a day, a week, a month, and/or a year allows you to enjoy.

You might fine that in looking at it this way the day will go faster and you will be more productive, because you have given yourself some pleasure to be derived from doing this job.

Now this is how I see it, I would like to know, how you see it, what you think about it.